American Politics is a tempestuous monster – a monster that recycles the same issues year after year, election after election, often with the same faces promoting their banal platforms with revised words. Politics, and politicians it seems, attempt to reduce the rainbow of mindsets into identifiable, compartmentalized groups – mainly liberal and conservative (these two groups often subdivided further). In this sense, this seems inherently logical – having a political representative for every possible political makeup would almost be counter-productive. Politicians would be so diverse that there would be little to no unity and even less forward action than there is now. However, despite this, the limitations of liberal and conservative are intrinsically frustrating, especially on ethical and moral issues, particularly pertaining to reproductive rights. As it stands now, reproductive rights is one of the political issues that seems to be quantified in extremes – you are either pro-life, pro-abstinence (prude and old-fashioned), or pro-choice, pro-sexual liberation (pro-fornication and an abomination of good ol’ fashioned family values).
As a pro-life liberal, I am forced to straddle the political fence in a straining manner. Although I lean heavily toward the liberal spectrum on most issues, including reproductive rights, my aversion to abortion prevents me from completely crossing the line. Instead, I sit in the middle, forced to call myself a moderate, but even that term does not sit well with me. A moderate, to me, implies neutrality, almost a lack of opinion. This is something I do not lack, especially on this issue. However, concerning my somewhat “impure” stance and the delicacy of discussing reproductive rights, I’m generally hesitant to articulate my thoughts. I do not intend this essay to be offensive or combative; instead, I hope to offer another perspective on a difficult issue, an issue that liberal and conservative politicians, parents, and educators often present as clear cut, either one way or the other.
I stand between the conservative pro-life groups and the liberal pro-choice groups with contention. I often find the manner in which each opposing side voice themselves incredibly offensive and derogatory. Each side seems to lose any sense of logic, insightfulness, or tact when communicating with each other, instead resorting to rudimentary emotional attacks in order to make their point. Examples of this would be fundamentalist pro-life members picketing outside of abortion clinics with signs that read things like “You just love your baby to death, don’t you,” “Any woman who’d willingly have an abortion doesn’t deserve to be a mother,” or “Don’t kill something you’re not going to eat.” Conversely, in the pro-choice camp, catch-lines such as “If you’re against an abortion, don’t have one” or “Will riot if abortion on demand is rejected” raise my hackles, although slightly less so than the pro-life mottos. Perhaps that reveals my liberal bias. However, these slogans (from both sides) are offensive, sarcastic, and should not have a toehold in our culture. When I see signs and hear chants that are so blatantly emotion-centered, I close my mind, close my ears, and avoid the issue at all costs. It doesn’t mean I don’t care – I do – but there is a much more tactful, effective way to communicate about reproductive rights. For this reason, the reproductive discourse should more from fundamentalist, extreme opposites to a more progressive, cooperative dialogue.
I am pro-life in the sense that I believe abortion is not ideal and that it should be avoided. However, I am pro-choice in the sense that I fully support intensive sexual education in schools and open sexual discourse between parents and their children (if possible), and I also support Planned Parenthood and any other organization that offers contraceptives, health services, and sexual education. There are many factors behind my stance, some more significant than others, and some that may be identifiable to you.
I, like many Midwesterners, was raised in a loving, tightly knit conservative Evangelical family. Some of my earliest memories take place in my family’s former church, and although I do not identify with the majority of Evangelical beliefs and practices anymore, for much of my formative youth, I accepted them as truth. I was also strongly influenced by the manner in which my parents educated me and my siblings about sex and reproduction. Following the conservative model, they instilled upon us that sex was a loving act for married couples only, that any sexual activity outside of marriage was disrespectful to ourself and our future spouses. However, unlike many Christians, they supported the use of contraceptives inside the boundaries of marriage. Also unlike many of their peers, they taught us that sex was not a shameful act purely for reproduction, but that it was a joyous declaration of love between man and wife. My parents also taught my siblings and me to think independently, questioning everything before accepting it as fact or ideological belief. This I thank them for, but it backfired on them as each and every one of us grew older and started questioning the church, particularly the church’s stance on sex and reproductive rights.
My siblings are significantly older than I am (sixteen and twelve years older, to be exact … I’m an example of failed contraceptives), and by the time I was eight, my sister was married to a wonderful man that she had been living with for over a year. By the time I was fourteen, my brother was married to a wonderful woman whom he had been living with for two and a half years. Although consummated outside of the boundaries of Christian marriage, both of my siblings are still very happily married, with five beautiful boys between them. This was certainly pivotal in shaping my belief that sex outside of marriage is not the demise of culture and family.
Conversely, once, at a church function aimed at youth, I overheard two girls whispering about giving blowjobs to numerous boys in the backseat of a friend’s car. Ironically, later that same evening, the pastor asked for us to pledge our chastity. While the aforementioned girls pledged to remain virgins until marriage, I seethed at the hypocrisy. I did not pledge my chastity. I was one of the few that didn’t, and I’m extremely glad I did not. I greatly respect those that do make the choice to remain chaste until marriage, but I would prefer to honestly embrace sexuality rather than give in to hormonal urges in the backseat of a car.
Whether parents and politicians like it or not, the fact is, youths are beginning to become sexually active at younger and younger ages and more often than not, irresponsibly. Many children feel unable to discuss sex with their parents, and more often than not, are taught abstinence-only education in school, so they rely on their friends and the internet for information. This is devastating – leading to emotional trauma, misinformation, sexually transmitted infections and diseases, and of course, pregnancy, which often leads to hasty, ill-considered abortions or emotionally devastating marriages. Luckily, even though I was unable to discuss my sexual practices with my parents due to their conservatism, they had instilled in me independence. Utilizing my agency, I researched everything I had not learned in sex education, mainly through Planned Parenthood, as it was the most accessible at the time. However, many of my peers are unaware of the resources they have.
For example, a friend of mine who went through twelve years of Catholic single-sex schooling approached me with a question. She was a week late for her period and concerned. I asked if she had had sex. She said no, she had not, but that her boyfriend had touched her with his fingers, “down there.” I then asked if his penis had been anywhere near “down there.” “No,” she responded. Had he come into his hand and then touched her? No. I reassured her that she was not pregnant and offered to get her a pregnancy test, just to be safe, all the while wondering what kind of sexual education she had received.
People are going to have sex, whether it’s intercourse or otherwise, and they deserve the right to be education in order to protect themselves. Many unwanted pregnancies could be prevented if youth were educated on the types of birth control, how to use them, and where to get them. This in itself would lower the abortion rate in this country. Parents should not expect schools to do their ideological teaching for them – schools should supplement and take into account what is predominant behavior (parents preaching abstinence only, and youth’s rebelliousness and hormonal rampages). Instead of avoiding the topic and hoping their children do not become sexually active, parents should speak openly and honestly with their children about safe sexual practices, and the benefits of abstinence (if that is their choice). In short, denial is not a form of birth control.
Although many pro-life organizations are fundamentally Christian based and politically conservative, as well as abstinence oriented, I believe that they should consider accepting broader sexual education and contraceptive resources. As a society, we are not in a place to outlaw abortions. If we do so, the dangers of illegal abortions will rise once again, and many unprepared parents and their children will suffer. Instead, both pro-choice and pro-life groups should work beside each other to improve sexual education, replacing common misconceptions, and tactfully offer alternatives to abortion. I think it’s safe to say that most pro-choice supporters are not baby-haters by any means, but they believe a woman should have control over what is happening to her body. Access to contraceptives, whether it’s through Planned Parenthood or a private practice should be easier. At this time, not all insurance covers birth control. Although organizations such as Planned Parenthood offer birth control at a discounted rate, it is still expensive. Having access to contraceptives and reproductive health care should not be only for the wealthy, privileged, or those with sexually supportive parents.
Additionally, education on alternatives to abortion should be more readily available. For instance, I’ve noticed there is a common misconception among young women (and men), that babies given up for adoption are bounced from one cruel foster home to another until they are eighteen. Most people do not realize how difficult it is to adopt a baby in the United States, and just how many loving couples want one. My aunt and uncle tried for years to adopt a baby in the US, but after years on the waiting list, they finally resorted to adopting from Russia. They have adopted three children from Russian, two in 1995 (sisters), and one boy in 2003. Even then, these children were not babies – they were seven, six, and eight when adopted. As the movie Juno depicted last year, most mothers are able to choose where their baby goes when it is adopted. It is not out of their control.
Many unwed, young pregnant women that I have encountered choose abortion because they think that it’s their only option – that they do not have control. They imagine that if they have the baby, they will be forever surviving off food stamps, that they will be unfit to be a mother, that their boyfriend, the father, will leave them, will not contribute. In short, they decide that it is fairer to the child to stop its life before it begins, rather than bring it into this would under hardship.
We need to stop shouting at each other from opposing sides of the reproductive battlefield – and we shouldn’t wait for politicians to take the lead. We need to educate our men and women about their sexual practices, provide reproductive and contraceptive resources, teach responsible sexual consideration, offer promising alternatives to abortion, and support unwed mothers. If we do so, I believe we will find the number of abortions will drop immensely, both sides of the political monster will be appeased, and I won’t have to call myself a moderate.
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