Talking About HPV
Just to be clear, HPV and herpes are not the same. Herpes Simplex Virus has two different types - I and II. Type I is typically oral and II is typically genital, but there’s a great deal of crossover.
HPV (Human Papilloma Virus) has scores of types. While the herpes virus (it seems) is a ‘forever’ type of thing, HPV sometimes disappears. Also, it is HSV (herpes) that creates cold sores, and HPV that can create warts or cancer, but these two viruses are distinct and do NOT cause the same complications.
Trusting partners can be very difficult when negotiating safer sex, particularly as everyone has different definitions of “safe.” Additionally, not everyone gets tested for the same infections (for example, it is not in a standard screening to test for herpes) so saying “I’ve been tested and I’m fine” can mean one thing for one person and another for another.
Really, this just emphasizes the importance of having really clear communication, particularly about something as emotional and body-related as sexual health. What have you been tested for? How long ago was that? When was the last time you had protected sex prior to that? Have you had sex after that? What does “protected” mean to you - does that include oral sex? What are the sexual practices of your current partners, and what are your safer sex practices with them? It can be a pretty in-depth and intense conversation, but it can be much better to go through that and get everyone on the same page than to risk disastrous miscommunication.
One last note on transmissibility: One can, in fact, have used latex barriers for every genital-genital and genital-oral contact and still become infected with either HPV or HSV. HPV is tricky because it can manifest outside of areas covered by condoms, as can HSV. Additionally, HSV most commonly infects the mouth, and how many people think to ask if someone has ever had a cold sore before kissing them? One must also note that someone can be infected with HSV or HPV and never ever have experienced symptoms (as is true with many sexually transmitted infections), so a partner might be entirely unaware of infection status, PARTICULARLY as these viruses are not typically tested for in a standard STI screening (which usually includes chlamydia, gonorrhea, HIV, and usually syphilis, though different communities have different trends and standards).
Bottom line: Talk with your partners, get all yerselves tested, and make sure everyone is on the same page regarding safer sex practices. If you feel you can’t trust a partner (or a partner’s partner) to keep to safer sex agreements, it might be a good indicator that you should reevaluate your relationships.
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